I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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