i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
