Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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