some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
