Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
