Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
