halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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