when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
