I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
