Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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