Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
