youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize