My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
