You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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