that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
