Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
time to smoke my breakfast
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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