3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
are you so shy because you have an std?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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