Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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