Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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