U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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