You're so nebulous sometimes
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
