can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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