Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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