So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
