my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
