She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
