dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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