i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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