Soap is not a condiment
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize