Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
