I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize