I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
