also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
