finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
