How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
