He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we're so committed to being not committed
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