YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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