Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
