haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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