mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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