so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize