fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
