seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
