i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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