So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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