you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
