So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
