I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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