im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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