He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
