I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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