I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
