i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize