he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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