suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize