i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
