I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
