no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
