I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize