Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize