Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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