Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
