beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
