Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
