i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
