All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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