Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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