your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
