A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
