he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
